Zachary Durand, ’Doah Staff Writer
February 6, 2013
When I entered the abandoned auditorium of the Alamo Drafthouse last Thursday night, I knew I was setting myself up for a theatrical disaster. Not a single person entered the theatre, not even my waiter! Sure enough, “Movie 43” — which has been prematurely pulled from the Alamo — brings 2013 its first, major contender for the infamous Razzie Awards.
Classified as a “comedic anthology,” “Movie 43” strings together an array of sketches, much like Saturday Night Live, in an attempt to showcase 21 — that’s right, 21 — of Hollywood’s “up-and-coming” writers and their complete lack of talent.
Featuring a cast of over 25 of Tinseltown’s biggest names — Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet, among them — the team of Relativity Media, whom I’m sure are now banging their heads against a wall, greenlit a film that never deserved to see the light of day.
Sketches ranging from a spoof of Batman and Robin with Jason Sudeikis and Justin Long, to Richard Gere pitching a product known as the “iBabe,” an iPod in the shape of a naked woman, all contributed to this cinematic garbage.
If there is even one glimmer of hope for this movie, it rests in a sketch with Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant. The two are on a blind date when their conversation turns into a bizarre game of truth or dare. With each dare becoming more outrageous than the last, Merchant brightly displays his comedic chops while Berry proves herself in the realm of slapstick.
At the end of the day, I can sadly report that I am one of only a handful of Americans who will ever be exposed to the disaster that is “Movie 43.” This is a heavy burden to bear, and I do not wish it upon anyone.