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Cupid’s Love Advice

If I get jealous over a guy talking to another girl, does it mean I have feelings for him? – Envious

Dear Envious,

While we can’t know for sure if you truly have feelings for him, it does sound like the answer is yes. Logically, if you had no type of feeling for that person, than then why would you even care? Furthermore, if you see someone talking to someone else and you recognize that you feel jealousy, then there has to be something more to it. Guerrero (1998) surveyed undergrads and found relationships between types of jealousy behaviors and attachment style, which basically has to do with how people view others as a source of emotional closeness. She studied jealousy in romantic relationships, and while you’re not this person’s romantic partner (yet), it sounds like you’re experiencing “cognitive jealousy,” which is a “worry that the partner could be attracted to others.”

Also, the fact that you had to ask if jealousy means that you have feelings for somebody suggests that you may be in denial about your feelings for this person. Guerrero showed that this tendency to deny feelings of jealousy is most likely to occur in people who tend to avoid forming close emotional connections with others. Many researchers have shown that people who fit that description end up having less successful romantic relationships throughout their adult lives. Is that you? If yes, it’s not too late to realize that there are good people out there and it’s okay to get close to others! Maybe this guy would be a good place to start.

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