Wyld about sex: Love and virginity

Liz Wyld, ‘Doah Staff Writer
December 5, 2012

LizWyldMy mother always told me, “you have to test-drive the vehicle before you buy the car.” Honest motherly advice, if you ask me. I’ve always been of the mindset that premarital sex is okay as long as you are in a committed relationship with a person you trust. And though I haven’t always stuck strictly to this rule, it is something I try to abide by now.

Back in high school, particularly in my junior and senior years, there was so much pressure from both my friends and from my various boyfriends to lose my virginity. So, after my first glimpse of heartbreak following a short-lived three-month relationship, I was quick to give into pressure from a fling that I had no real feelings for. To this day, I regret that I didn’t save it for the person I truly loved.

There’s a preconceived notion that boys are less concerned with the concept of “virginity” than girls are. Given my own personal experiences, I certainly did not give guys much credit either. I’ve been pressured by guys, I’ve been taken advantage of by guys and I’ve been swayed by guys, and I’m certain I’m not the only girl who has felt this way. So, I took it upon myself to talk to guys about how they feel, constantly pinned as the ones who pressure others into sex.

“I hate when people say that all guys pressure girls into sex,” one guy laments. “I’ve been in many different situations where a girl has wanted me to take [their virginity] and I said no because they were a virgin and I didn’t want to make it not special for them. I took someone’s virginity… I still regret it to this day.”

Another guy admits to pressuring girls into it. “Guys do that. Intentionally and sometimes unintentionally without even knowing. [They do it] to get what they want.

“But girls do it too,” he says in rebuttal. And though I can attest to feeling pressured by men, they aren’t the only ones doing it. One girl admits: “I’ve felt pressured into sex, but I can’t say I’m not guilty of pressuring others into it. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was a virgin, and I really wanted to take his virginity. Luckily, we’re still dating, but I still regret that I didn’t make that moment more special for him.”

Ladies and gentleman, it seems that all of us, regardless of gender, have the potential to pressure others into sex. Whether you are happily waiting until marriage or happily having one night stands, one thing is certain — pressuring someone into sex, regardless of the situation, is wrong. And nothing beats the feeling of sharing a sexual experience with the right person.

Take it from someone who wishes he had waited: “When you love somebody, you just know it’s the right time. It just seems like the natural next step to share something so intense and passionate with the person you love.”

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Send me your feedback at lizwyld@thedoah.com

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